Perfect title.
After a struggling rock band's (I use "rock" loosly since the music this band makes is that modern new rock that is made for pussies and homos) manger leaves them, the female of the band decides to not stay with her bandmates but chooses to stay the night with a stranger. Well, this stranger turns out to be a rock n roll vampire! Before you can say "cool style man" the entire band has been transformed into a new cool rock band that can float while playing. They just have a problem with killing a few people along the way to their next gig.
Yeah, the film is as bad as it sounds. Why did I bother? There are numerous cameos by actually good musicians such as Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins and one of my personal favorites Alice Cooper. Even Malcolm McDowell has a smaller role as Eddie Van Helsing, a vampire killer who has his own personal vendetta with the vampires. None of these celebrities is worth sitting through this 90 minute horror/comedy. This is just painful to watch.
The "comedy" is down right bad and cheesy. Nothing is funny and I can almost hear the non existent laugh track pause when certain characters speak. The main vampire looks like a black haired Carrot Top and he occasionally busts into a few songs out of nowhere, when he's not walking in slow motion of course. I guess they were trying to pad out the running time. I would have shut this off or fast forward the film if it wasn't for this blog. I will admit, I couldn't take the musical numbers after awhile and slammed my finger on that FF button every time music started to kick in. One thing I hate is a bad horror film. But what I hate even more are horror/comedy/musicals. Adding those three genres together is like adding mustard to your steak.
Chalk it up to just another shitty vampire film. I need to watch Martin or Near Dark to remember a time when vampire movies were decent.
Man of a Thousand Faces
The great Lon Chaney from London After Midnight
Oct 13, 2010
Oct 12, 2010
October 12th - TO THE DEVIL...A DAUGHTER (1976)
One of Hammer's last films, I am sad to say that they went out with a whimper. To the Devil...a Daughter is a mess and was just trying to be another Exorcist/The Omen clone. Too bad too because it started off promising.
The first half of the film isn't bad and held my interest. A satanic priest (Christopher Lee) is going to use a nun (Nastassja Kinski) in some sick satanic pact with the devil but her father blackmails the priest and is trying to save his daughter. He enlists an American author (Richard Widmark, who looks embarrased being in this) who has written books on satanism to help him protect his daughter.
What I enjoyed about the first half was that the film plays out like a mystery. Sure, it borrows a little from Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist but the film doesn't tell you exactly what is going on and you start to piece together what is happening. Ah! A thinking person's horror film! This I like and the slow pacing doesn't bother me and it's always great to see actors I like in an interesting but yet vauge story.
Then suddenly, the film falls apart completely. With bizarre flashbacks and scenes of orgies and some bloody baby monster which may be the worst puppet I have ever seen in a film, the To the Devil... a Daughter turns laughably bad and just down right cheap. The suspense and mystery gets completely wiped out and confusion and boredom take over. When we finally get the climax, it literally makes no sense at all and ends abruptly. Apparently, the original ending was scrapped and the writers were asked to end the film this way. Christopher Lee was furious, the author to the novel this was based on was also furious and Richard Widmark walked off set numerous times because of issues with the production. I don't think the original ending could have saved the film since it started to go downhill at the 1 hour mark. Shame too since the first half was promising.
And for those that did see this, that was not Christopher Lee nude. To you the viewer...a stunt double.
The first half of the film isn't bad and held my interest. A satanic priest (Christopher Lee) is going to use a nun (Nastassja Kinski) in some sick satanic pact with the devil but her father blackmails the priest and is trying to save his daughter. He enlists an American author (Richard Widmark, who looks embarrased being in this) who has written books on satanism to help him protect his daughter.
What I enjoyed about the first half was that the film plays out like a mystery. Sure, it borrows a little from Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist but the film doesn't tell you exactly what is going on and you start to piece together what is happening. Ah! A thinking person's horror film! This I like and the slow pacing doesn't bother me and it's always great to see actors I like in an interesting but yet vauge story.
Then suddenly, the film falls apart completely. With bizarre flashbacks and scenes of orgies and some bloody baby monster which may be the worst puppet I have ever seen in a film, the To the Devil... a Daughter turns laughably bad and just down right cheap. The suspense and mystery gets completely wiped out and confusion and boredom take over. When we finally get the climax, it literally makes no sense at all and ends abruptly. Apparently, the original ending was scrapped and the writers were asked to end the film this way. Christopher Lee was furious, the author to the novel this was based on was also furious and Richard Widmark walked off set numerous times because of issues with the production. I don't think the original ending could have saved the film since it started to go downhill at the 1 hour mark. Shame too since the first half was promising.
And for those that did see this, that was not Christopher Lee nude. To you the viewer...a stunt double.
October 11th - COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE (1970)
I apologize for this being late as the wife and I spent the night in Niagara Falls for a mini vacation. I did however bring my portable DVD player up with me and I continued my streak of watching a horror film every day. I brought with me the DVD of Count Yorga, Vampire and I am happy to say it was a good choice.
A bunch of young friends get mixed up with a count who happens to be a vampire. When he bites one of them, the friends get a doctor who believes in vampires to help defeat the count. Very basic plot which is more or less a re-telling of the Dracula story. But the film works thanks to its creepy atmosphere and for me, it's 70's setting. Why are 70's movies more scary than any other films? Maybe it is just me but those films have always been scarier than anything made before or after. There is a scene in a van where Count Yorga attacks a couple outside his castle. You've seen this kind of scene before in other films where it's either a serial killer or monster but the direction, music, writing all work so much better here that it is frightening. What really works the most is actor Robert Quary as Count Yorga. He is charming and yet menacing and has a certain ego where he knows he can kick your ass and there is nothing you can do about it. Even with the white make up and cheap fangs, he was kind of creepy.
What I also like about the film is there are touches of humor that work well. Nothing over the top or silly but little bits here and there that made me think of An American Werewolf in London.
At a tight 93 minutes, this film goes by fast. I found the film really well done even for its low budget. Count Yorga, Vampire would make for a good rainy Saturday afternoon movie or a decent Halloween selection. The film is followed by a sequel and I can't wait to see it.
A bunch of young friends get mixed up with a count who happens to be a vampire. When he bites one of them, the friends get a doctor who believes in vampires to help defeat the count. Very basic plot which is more or less a re-telling of the Dracula story. But the film works thanks to its creepy atmosphere and for me, it's 70's setting. Why are 70's movies more scary than any other films? Maybe it is just me but those films have always been scarier than anything made before or after. There is a scene in a van where Count Yorga attacks a couple outside his castle. You've seen this kind of scene before in other films where it's either a serial killer or monster but the direction, music, writing all work so much better here that it is frightening. What really works the most is actor Robert Quary as Count Yorga. He is charming and yet menacing and has a certain ego where he knows he can kick your ass and there is nothing you can do about it. Even with the white make up and cheap fangs, he was kind of creepy.
What I also like about the film is there are touches of humor that work well. Nothing over the top or silly but little bits here and there that made me think of An American Werewolf in London.
At a tight 93 minutes, this film goes by fast. I found the film really well done even for its low budget. Count Yorga, Vampire would make for a good rainy Saturday afternoon movie or a decent Halloween selection. The film is followed by a sequel and I can't wait to see it.
Oct 10, 2010
October 10th - IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE (1987)
Being a fan of the original It's Alive and the sequel It Lives Again, I was looking forward to Larry Cohen's third and final mutant baby movie. The first film is filled with social commentary about medical research and how women were given this certain drug while being pregnant that causes their fetus to turn into mutant creatures. The second film takes place a year later with the father of the first film trying to help an expecting couple deal with their creature child. I am not sure what Larry Cohen was thinking with when he wrote/directed this third film. It was as if he was forced to make the third film and decided to make it silly and turn everything into a big joke.
It's Alive III starts off promising. A father of a mutant baby is in court and proves to the court that his child isn't a monster and shouldn't be killed. A kindly judge sentences the baby and four other mutant babies to a remote island where they will be unharmed. When the judge passes away, the father is then forced to go back to the island with a bunch of scientists to see how the babies are doing and possibly bring back one of them.
Michael Moriarty is the star and he is just a weird actor to begin with. He never seems to take a role seriously and in a weird way, I kind of get a kick out of that but his schtick gets old in this very quickly. Why is this father contstantly making jokes? Why can't he look at anyone in the eye when he speaks? The father seems more strange than the baby. And that is my biggest problem with this film, the film just seems so odd and out of place with the other two films. I don't get the joke.
The budget also seems to be at it's lowest here and we barely catch glimpses of the creatures but when we do, it looks really phony and silly. On top of that, we get scenes edited out of place. Two characters can be talking and then it cuts into their sentence and we see something else happen briefly and then it jumps back into the previous scene where it left off. Even certain shots even get re-used at times! The film just seems like a sloppy mess thrown together.
And to make matters worse, the film barely takes place on the island but at some cheap amusement park where we get long scenes of punks fighting people at the park or Michael Moriarty trying to pick up women or Karen Black throwing up in some man's car with him screaming and swearing at her. Was there even a script for this? Seems like everyone making this film was in on some joke that we the audience are not.
Skip this film and check out the first two movies.
It's Alive III starts off promising. A father of a mutant baby is in court and proves to the court that his child isn't a monster and shouldn't be killed. A kindly judge sentences the baby and four other mutant babies to a remote island where they will be unharmed. When the judge passes away, the father is then forced to go back to the island with a bunch of scientists to see how the babies are doing and possibly bring back one of them.
Michael Moriarty is the star and he is just a weird actor to begin with. He never seems to take a role seriously and in a weird way, I kind of get a kick out of that but his schtick gets old in this very quickly. Why is this father contstantly making jokes? Why can't he look at anyone in the eye when he speaks? The father seems more strange than the baby. And that is my biggest problem with this film, the film just seems so odd and out of place with the other two films. I don't get the joke.
The budget also seems to be at it's lowest here and we barely catch glimpses of the creatures but when we do, it looks really phony and silly. On top of that, we get scenes edited out of place. Two characters can be talking and then it cuts into their sentence and we see something else happen briefly and then it jumps back into the previous scene where it left off. Even certain shots even get re-used at times! The film just seems like a sloppy mess thrown together.
And to make matters worse, the film barely takes place on the island but at some cheap amusement park where we get long scenes of punks fighting people at the park or Michael Moriarty trying to pick up women or Karen Black throwing up in some man's car with him screaming and swearing at her. Was there even a script for this? Seems like everyone making this film was in on some joke that we the audience are not.
Skip this film and check out the first two movies.
Oct 9, 2010
October 9th - MY SOUL TO TAKE - 3D (2010)
Wow...I am speechless. I don't know where to start or what to say. Wes Craven's newest shitfest may be the single worst film I have ever seen in my life. I am not kidding, I have seen alot of films and I cannot think of a worse film than My Soul to Take. If I really hate a person and I wanted them to feel pure pain for an hour and 40 minutes, I would make them watch this. The military can now use this film for torture tactics against the Taliban.
I seriously have been staring at this screen for a good 10 minutes, not knowing what to say. I honestly feel dumber after having seen this pile of dung. I think I can explain the plot. But it is difficult because it literally makes zero sense. It has something to do with a killer with split personalities being killed and 16 years later, seven kids who were born on the day he died are now being haunted by the killer. Something along those lines because I am unsure if that is even true. The film is a mess in every way so might as well start with the script. Blame that on Craven as well, he wrote this crap. The screenplay is so inept and so confusing, no one knew what was going on through out this film. Scenes were edited so choppily or dragged on for so long and each scene had NOTHING to do with any of the other scenes. I counted at least 20 times where I said outloud, "What?" with a laugh because I found it funny. In fact, I was screaming with laughter at certain lines of dialogue ( "I want to see my unborn child." "Fuck your fucking unborn child!" ) or scenes that wouldn't end (high schoolers presenting a science project which had nothing to do with the story) or the opening of the film that was suppose to set up the story but had everyone so confused and wondering what they just saw. I guess this is either the worst film ever made or the funniest film of 2010.
The acting right from the get go is atrocious. Lines are delivered so flat and plain, it was groan inducing. Now the question remains, is the acting awful OR was it the lines that they were given bad? I think a combination of both. The characters themselves are so annoying and so phony, it was amazing in itself. I kept thinking: This can't really be happening right? Is this a joke?
The music is also awful. The music cues don't match at all with what is going on screen. The music isn't suspensful or scary or builds any suspense at all.
And the film just refused to end! Scenes would go on forever and it just wouldn't stop. The greatest sin for any movie is to be boring. Wes Craven has commited the sin. His film Vampire in Brooklyn is Citizen Kane compared to this. And this isn't one of those "so bad it's good" movies. No this is plain bad. Beyond bad.
And the 3-D sucked as well! It didn't work whatsoever however it did accomplish plenty of blurry images and ghostly characters that shouldn't have been seen. I swear this movie had to have been converted into 3-D as it looked lousy and after awhile I watched the film without the glasses and the picture looked fine to me. So yeah, I paid $13 for this turd. Maybe it was God's will for me to see this so I can warn you all about this putrid mess. Stay...far..away. I am serious. Don't go near it. The man who created Freddy is dead. I mock Romero, Carpenter and Raimi for making lousy horror films in their later years, but Mr. Craven... you are now the king. Congratulations. You haven't just made the worst film of 2010, you have made the worst film in your career. And crying about the MPAA or blaming the distributor won't work this time. The game is up.
I seriously have been staring at this screen for a good 10 minutes, not knowing what to say. I honestly feel dumber after having seen this pile of dung. I think I can explain the plot. But it is difficult because it literally makes zero sense. It has something to do with a killer with split personalities being killed and 16 years later, seven kids who were born on the day he died are now being haunted by the killer. Something along those lines because I am unsure if that is even true. The film is a mess in every way so might as well start with the script. Blame that on Craven as well, he wrote this crap. The screenplay is so inept and so confusing, no one knew what was going on through out this film. Scenes were edited so choppily or dragged on for so long and each scene had NOTHING to do with any of the other scenes. I counted at least 20 times where I said outloud, "What?" with a laugh because I found it funny. In fact, I was screaming with laughter at certain lines of dialogue ( "I want to see my unborn child." "Fuck your fucking unborn child!" ) or scenes that wouldn't end (high schoolers presenting a science project which had nothing to do with the story) or the opening of the film that was suppose to set up the story but had everyone so confused and wondering what they just saw. I guess this is either the worst film ever made or the funniest film of 2010.
The acting right from the get go is atrocious. Lines are delivered so flat and plain, it was groan inducing. Now the question remains, is the acting awful OR was it the lines that they were given bad? I think a combination of both. The characters themselves are so annoying and so phony, it was amazing in itself. I kept thinking: This can't really be happening right? Is this a joke?
The music is also awful. The music cues don't match at all with what is going on screen. The music isn't suspensful or scary or builds any suspense at all.
And the film just refused to end! Scenes would go on forever and it just wouldn't stop. The greatest sin for any movie is to be boring. Wes Craven has commited the sin. His film Vampire in Brooklyn is Citizen Kane compared to this. And this isn't one of those "so bad it's good" movies. No this is plain bad. Beyond bad.
And the 3-D sucked as well! It didn't work whatsoever however it did accomplish plenty of blurry images and ghostly characters that shouldn't have been seen. I swear this movie had to have been converted into 3-D as it looked lousy and after awhile I watched the film without the glasses and the picture looked fine to me. So yeah, I paid $13 for this turd. Maybe it was God's will for me to see this so I can warn you all about this putrid mess. Stay...far..away. I am serious. Don't go near it. The man who created Freddy is dead. I mock Romero, Carpenter and Raimi for making lousy horror films in their later years, but Mr. Craven... you are now the king. Congratulations. You haven't just made the worst film of 2010, you have made the worst film in your career. And crying about the MPAA or blaming the distributor won't work this time. The game is up.
Oct 8, 2010
October 8th - Olga's Girls (1964)
I guess I messed up on this. I thought this was a horror film and it really isn't. However, it is a sleazy film and if you like old 1960's sex films, this is for you.
Shot in black and white, Olga's Girls has no dialogue. It is a fake documentary with a narration by a male narrator and at times, Olga herself. The movie tells the story of Olga's life as a madame who buys junkie prostitutes, has lesbian sex, performs S&M, beats up her merchandise and once in awhile does the occasional murder. It is a really strange film and at times humerous and just bizarre.
The women are mostly big breasted and seem to be topless alot. Think of a Russ Meyer movie with more S&M and that is what you would get. The problem is, even though it is only 70 minutes long, the film gets boring and just drags. The weirdness soon wears off and you catch yourself checking the clock to see how much longer the film will last.
I guess you would need to be in the right mood to watch Olga's Girls. I'm just not sure what kind of mood that would be.
Shot in black and white, Olga's Girls has no dialogue. It is a fake documentary with a narration by a male narrator and at times, Olga herself. The movie tells the story of Olga's life as a madame who buys junkie prostitutes, has lesbian sex, performs S&M, beats up her merchandise and once in awhile does the occasional murder. It is a really strange film and at times humerous and just bizarre.
The women are mostly big breasted and seem to be topless alot. Think of a Russ Meyer movie with more S&M and that is what you would get. The problem is, even though it is only 70 minutes long, the film gets boring and just drags. The weirdness soon wears off and you catch yourself checking the clock to see how much longer the film will last.
I guess you would need to be in the right mood to watch Olga's Girls. I'm just not sure what kind of mood that would be.
Oct 7, 2010
October 7th - BLOODLUST! (1961)
I wanted a quick short film this time around as I wanted to watch the Chicago Blackhawks home opener so I went with an old drive-in exploitation film Bloodlust! This is borderline Ed Wood territory.
A bunch of youths are having fun on a boat (fishing and shooting discs - which seems really odd and out of place from the get go) decide to jump on the dingy and travel to an island to explore. They soon meet up with Dr. Balleau who takes them hostage with the help of his nuts henchmen (dressed like old 30's criminals and have the IQ of maybe 50). The good doctor likes to hunt and he is now bored with animals and his trophy case needs to be filled with humans. Yeah, it's pretty much a rip off of The Most Dangerous Game.
I did enjoy some humerous moments like the character of Betty knows judo and everytime she performs a move the camera is speeded up. I like Robert Reed (father of Brady Bunch and a closet homosexual) looking uncomfortable everytime he has to hold or touch or kiss his girlfriend. I laughed at some of the obviously fake severed heads and body parts. The ending literally ends with a guy screaming super loud and then suddenly cuts off. I will say I was surprised by the amount of blood in such an older film.
Bloodlust! is a piece of shit movie but with the right friends and enough alcoholic beverages, it isn't too bad. I prefer this than some big budget CGI bullshit starring actors from either Lost or The Hills.
A bunch of youths are having fun on a boat (fishing and shooting discs - which seems really odd and out of place from the get go) decide to jump on the dingy and travel to an island to explore. They soon meet up with Dr. Balleau who takes them hostage with the help of his nuts henchmen (dressed like old 30's criminals and have the IQ of maybe 50). The good doctor likes to hunt and he is now bored with animals and his trophy case needs to be filled with humans. Yeah, it's pretty much a rip off of The Most Dangerous Game.
I did enjoy some humerous moments like the character of Betty knows judo and everytime she performs a move the camera is speeded up. I like Robert Reed (father of Brady Bunch and a closet homosexual) looking uncomfortable everytime he has to hold or touch or kiss his girlfriend. I laughed at some of the obviously fake severed heads and body parts. The ending literally ends with a guy screaming super loud and then suddenly cuts off. I will say I was surprised by the amount of blood in such an older film.
Bloodlust! is a piece of shit movie but with the right friends and enough alcoholic beverages, it isn't too bad. I prefer this than some big budget CGI bullshit starring actors from either Lost or The Hills.
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